Entry: Right Thursday, May 15, 2014



Somehow I lost my taste for writing. If I had to guess it would have something to do with everything that isn't going on in my life. Or maybe with the few shitastic things that are going on. Who knows.

My mental issues have been raging lately. There was a time when I was completely ashamed of these things. It was a stigma I wasn't willing to deal with. Fuck that shit. I'm crazy and it makes me who I am. It isn't like I am schizophrenic, that's my aunt. I just have general anxiety and depression. Usually I can handle one or the other, but when they both decide to come out and play it fucks my whole world.

I let things pile up and I internalize everything for the most part. I only have one person I tell *everything* to. Luckily he gets it, doesn't hold my crazy against me and loves me. I tried to get help for it, but thanks to the government, it is way more difficult than it should be.

Due to my inability to secure employment, I have had to turn to the government for assistance. That is just as frustrating as not being able to control what your brain does. My unemployment was killed dead at the beginning of January. I have ZERO income. I've sold most everything I can sell. I had to apply for government medical. Do you know how humiliating that is?! I have done for myself my entire life and I had to ask for something. Then I get it and NO ONE WILL TAKE IT. Thanks for fucking everything up even more lazy ass bitches and Mr. President. When I did finally find someone, they can't see me until the beginning of June. Six weeks from the time I called looking for mental help.

I'm still not back to myself, but I am currently better. Just my normal cranky self. Thanks for your concern.

I'll bitch about the public perception about us "lazy & unemployed" people soon. Right now, I have to reinforce the lazy portion by cleaning and cooking. Maybe I'll even apply for some more jobs I won't get.

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July 31, 2015   06:38 AM PDT
 
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July 31, 2015   06:38 AM PDT
 
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Deirdre
May 15, 2014   12:56 PM PDT
 
I was here but I have nothing productive or helpful to say so I will just leave but not before letting you know that I care & hope things get better soon. *hug*

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