As I stated before.... this is some fucked up shit, man. I've been out of the game for a really, really long time and was never really in it to begin with. So now, I have flung myself into the dating arena. I must be fucking insane.
So maybe I put myself out there on a couple of dating sites. Two to be exact. With that I have conversed extensively with three people. I have gone out with one (A). Tentative dates are set for this Sunday (C) and sometime after January 2nd (B). Fairly sure I've already killed the one for Sunday. I'll explain later.
Tuesday last week I went on my first real date. Simple, straight forward. Met A at a local burger joint inside a casino. Well, it was supposed to be some place else, but the wait was a bit much. He was way more cute than I thought he was going to be. Smart, nice, talkative, but not overly chatty. We had a lot of stuff in common and got along in general. I think we sat in that place just talking for a little under three hours. He offered to drive me home as I still don't drive. On the way to the car he put his arm around me. Awwww.... We talked the entire way home. As I go to get out of the car he decides to walk me to the door. Fuck. My brain lost its shit. There commenced, on my doorstep, quite the awesome make-out session. I finally had to make him leave.
I texted to thank him for a nice evening and he mentions getting together again. Sure, no problem. I hear from him the next couple of days & then nothing. We had set up a date for today so I texted to make sure we were still on. Yeah, not so much. First I get the "tomorrow is now a maybe" text followed hours later by the cancellation text. I was very short and quite rude in my opinion. So this morning I text to apologize for being a cunt. Nothing more. I get a diatribe in return. After he canceled with me his ex-wife gets in touch and wants to go to dinner because she is having "problems." He hopes I'm not mad, but if I am he understands. What. The. Fuck.
OK, I'm not sure why he would think I would be mad. The only way I think I would be justified in being mad would be if we were an item. I don't think that we are. He's an adult. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Not my business. He already canceled on me with the explanation of packing to move, so why bother even telling me about the ex? Was I being baited for reaction? Did he genuinely feel bad (well, his exact words were "kinda bad")? Should I give a fuck?
Bottom line, I think I am being played and I don't like it. I suspect everyone and A is no exception. He hasn't earned any trust so none can be given outright. At the same time, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt once. ONCE. Fucker just used his. If he thinks I am going to sit around with my phone between my legs waiting for him to contact me he is sorely mistaken.
Tentative date with C is Sunday. We conversed most of the day yesterday. He seems like an OK guy and there is nothing wrong with meeting someone. We discussed all manner of topics including his kid. Now, anyone that knows me knows I have zero desire to have children. Fairly sure I was born without that mythical biological clock. However, in the spirit of trying new things I was willing to go out with someone that has a child. I made that choice, quit fucking harping on it dude. I don't want to be anyone's mother. I think he finally got it. Then he had to go and ask a sex question.
Now, one thing I do not tolerate is lying so I don't participate in the practice either. I answered the question. I am horribly shy when it comes to sex. Period. I don't care who it is with. Just the way I am. Chalk it up to self image issues. Doesn't matter, it is what it is. He either accepts it or doesn't. Not my problem. Apparently he didn't like my answer. So I am fairly sure the date on Sunday is no more. Is this where I am supposed to act like a chick and be all upset? Yeah, not happening. His loss. Why? Because....
I am the most awesome chick most of you will never meet!
I know this. I don't rightly care what anyone else thinks. Jeb is kind enough to tell me this on a regular basis. Of course he also told me I am too good to be thinking the way I am on some things, but that's a mental introspection for another time.
January 3, 2012 11:04 AM PST
I can feel your frustration. I haven't dated in a long time (I've been married for 10 years) but I remember how frustrating it was. We all have our masks, even the most open people are different with their parents than their siblings than their friends. So this guy was wearing his Mr. Right mask but under it all he was "i just wanna get my dick wet". That is probably fine for somebody but not for you so you just need to find someone else. When I dating I chose activities where I could meet people but not for dating (volunteering, church, classes with park and rec's). If there was an attraction dating was a option. Otherwise, I was just enjoying life until I found my soulmate and it happened.
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