For those that are too lazy to read the humble words I have put forth to the page, you can also now listen to my words of wisdom.  Just click here.

Dearest Helmet Wearing Retard,

While I understand that this is a monumental weekend in your sheep-like existence, please, stay at home.  On any given weekend Las Vegas has more than it's fair share of dumbasses, this weekend that number will be at least doubled if not tripled.  In other words, there will be plenty of jackasses here, your presence will not be required.  Have no fear, your gene pool will be aptly represented.

For those that have decided to don their shiny new helmets, pay triple market value for a shitty hotel room & fight the crowds, I have a few words of advice for you.

• This is not your house.  Please do not piss on the carpet.
  
• Just because she looks like a slut & acts like a slut doesn't mean she's a slut.  She's probably a whore (in the old fashioned sense of the word).
  
• If she's so hot you get an instant hard on & she's bothering with you, she's probably a princess of the pavement.
  
• A pair of jacks is no reason to scream like your balls/tits are in a vice.
  
• If you don't know this town as well as you know your own you do not need to rent a car.
  
• For every person you talk shit about when you are drunk, there are three filming your performance on their cell phones.
  
• If you order a drink or play a table game, especially poker, toke the dealer/waitress.  You cheap fucking bastards!
  
• Girls, if you can't walk in the shoes don't wear them.
  
• On the same note, it was that short when you put it on so quit pulling on it.  You look like you are digging off in your brown eye.
  
• You have never been able to sing.  Being in a casino & full of liquor is never going to change that.
  
• No matter how much you insist, everyone knows you are full of shit when you say you know the owner of the joint.

I sincerely hope that if you have bothered to come out here for the weekend festivities that you stay the hell away from me.  If you think you see me, walk the other way.  If you confront me you will lose a limb in the most horrific of manners.  Follow the simple advice I have laid before you.  One last tidbit.  The music channel that is responsible for this monumental debacle doesn't give two shits about you, only your cash.

Love,
Zombie