Yesterday I went to my friendly neighborhood grocery store.  Generally, when I am in any place with strangers, I don't strike up many conversations.  I really don't care about you life.  I get my crap, pay for it & leave.  That's all.  I also don't dress up when I go shopping.  I don't see the point.  I mean, I guess I could have a My Blue Heaven moment where some reject rat mob guy that looks like Steve Martin comes strolling down the aisle & informs me that I could "melt all dis stuff."  However, I don't really see that happening.

As I was saying.... I was in the market, casually dressed wearing the t-shirt below.  Don't know what's on it?  Its the cyrillic alphabet.  At one point in my ill fated college career, I was a Russian major.  Back to the story.  So I thought I was getting out of the joint unscathed.  No chit chat with anyone.  That is until I check out.  The bag girl made me nuts.  She'll talk to anything that doesn't run away.  My guess is that even if it did run away, she would run after all the while yammering.  Apparently I incited her verbal wrath when I asked for paper instead of plastic (I use the paper bags to make patterns).

excuse the crappy picture, the camera needs batteries

Bag girl spies my t-shirt & asks me what in the hell it says.  I kindly imformed her what the shirt was.  Then she asks me how to pronounce it.  So I asked, "Do you say the English alphabet all at once?"  She looked at me like I was a moron.  Next, and this is where it starts to get good, she tells me, "Well, if someone is going to come live in my country, they had best learn to speak my language.  I shouldn't have to learn their's."  OK, since when did this turn into a discussion about immigrants?  I sure don't recall mentioning anything about not knowing English & I sure as hell don't have an accent.  So, I ignored her.

Of course that didn't stop her.  No way.  She was like the Terminator or something.  Either that or she had a death wish.  I have yet to decide.  Apparently, because I am wearing this shirt, I must be Russian.  At least in her mind.  Her next pearl of wisdom?  "I don't know what it is with you people & cabbage."  You people?!?  Sweet Jesus!  I had no clue what to say.  She had me stumped.  For that, I am greatly saddened.  But her complete lack of respect for another human being amazed me.  My father, the hateful bastard that he is, would never even do this.

However, she is still able to one up herself.  I didn't think it was possible.  "And you know, you are all communist too."  I laughed in her face.  The checker was horrified.  Free thinking at its finest people.  This girl couldn't have been more than 16.  I wonder what her parents are like.  Once I was finished laughing, I asked her if she knew who the KGB was.  She nodded, "Communist cops."  That was her reply.  I told her my father was the head of the agency & was still living in Russia.  Her eyes got wide.  I also informed her that he would be sending a couple of field agents that were in the US to visit her.  Her jaw dropped & she walked away.  The cashier & I had a nice little laugh with that one.  Hmmm, I wonder if she jumps every time the phone rings or someone knocks on the door?

Was what I did wrong?  Probably.  And I know two wrongs don't make a right.  However, I let my mouth run.  I was amused anyway.  I'll make sure to go through the line she is working next time I am in there.  I'll just have to remember to wear my Russian film festival shirt.

Word of the Day
asinine - s-nn - adjective
marked by inexcusable failure to exercise intelligence or sound judgment