Right now I'm really angry. Not with Shane. With his side of the family. His brother has taken care of him. My mom has taken care of him. They never came around or even offered to help, not even with $10 even though my sister & BIL have nothing & 4 children of their own to care for. They aren't angry about that & they wouldn't have changed a thing.

But now these people are stepping in & trying to take over. They think they know what Shane would have wanted. They know dick. They always berated him for his tats & piercings. Bet they shit themselves when they saw him laying in that bed with blue hair. teehee Mom just dyed it for him last week.

I know, I'm off on a tangent. I'm trying not to be sad, I'm trying not to cry. But its not working. I told my mom to make sure they play him some decent music. He would hate all those church hymns. It just wasn't him.

The services will be Monday. They are holding off because my nephews' birthday thing is this weekend. My mom & one of my nephews share a birthday & that is tomorrow.

I keep telling myself that I should be grateful that I had him in my life. That now, he's not in pain & he's whole again. That now he gets to be with his mother that he loved so very much. But it still hurts. I still sit here in the dark & cry.